In my head I’m saying a different word. I know I know, I shouldn’t swear. And I typically don’t. But shoot.
Do you ever know what you’re supposed to do but you also know the ramifications of doing what you’re supposed to do and so you don’t want to do it?
That’s where I am. That’s why I’m saying fudge.
Hah, quick funny side note story. Yesterday morning after I dropped off my son at preschool, I drove my daughter to her homeschool classes. On the way, I was listening to one of *my* (not the kids’) Pandora stations and Any Grammer’s ‘Honey, I’m Good‘ song came on. My daughter asked to turn it up and I started singing along. There’s a line that says “these long, long legs are damn near everywhere” and I realized wait, maybe I shouldn’t sing the word “DAMN”? Afterall, I suppose it’s probably not the best to have her repeating in class one day right? So we had an impromptu teachable moment.
Me: “Did you hear when the song used the word ‘damn’? Do you know what that means?“
7yo Daughter: “Like how a beaver builds a dam?“
Me: “Well yeah, but it’s a word that has more than one meaning. Have you ever heard it used another way before?”
Blah blah. Then I went off into an explanation of the other definition of damn and how there are words that adults sometimes use but that aren’t really the most appropriate words for kids to use, and blah blah blah that she probably shouldn’t sing this song out loud in front of others (in case they think I’m a bad parent who lets my children listen to heathen songs.)
Who knows if if was the “best” way have the swearing conversation. Whatev. I don’t care. I do my best but I make this whole parenting up on the fly.
Point being – Fudge. You know what? Whatever. I’m just gonna say it. Fuck.
So yesterday I had a particularly good conversation. It was all the right kinds of inspirational that I needed to hear. It confirmed some things that I’ve known for a good while that I need to do. That are right there. Within my reach. But I’ve held back in doing. That I’ve been pretending for years will just, I don’t know, happen naturally or that I’ll ease into or will just come to be without me having to take that official leap. I’ve been playing nice, playing the game, doing what I’m supposed to, trying not to rock too many boats.
But truth be told? It hasn’t really gotten me anywhere.
I know what I need to do.
I just really don’t want to do it.
I’m going to loose some of my friends.
I’m going to loose some of my followers.
But hopefully I’ll gain even more back in return.
Ok. Here’s what I’m going to do right now. I’ve been talking a lot lately about all these new things on my mind. About these hard marriage topics I’m about to dive into and write posts on. But then I haven’t written any of these posts. I’ve started them in draft format. Lots of draft posts. I just can’t bring myself to polish and publish.
So while it’ll probably take me awhile to give each of these topics the mindpower needed and find the time to get them written, here’s what I’m committing to. Below are several blog topics that are right there on the tip of my mind that I’m planning to write soon. I’m thinking that by putting these out into the world it’ll both:
- Hold me accountable to get the posts written. And
- Help you see the direction that I plan to take this blog.
If there’s a topic here that you are dying to read about, feel free to leave a comment or send me an email and I’ll move that one to the top of my mental queue.
Some Blog Topics I Plan To Cover Soon:
- Why Is Marriage Important In The First Place?
- Reality & Perception and Why Knowing the Difference Makes All the Difference
- Open Letter To Those in the 3rd-5th(ish) Year of Marriage: Why Right Now Matters More To Your Long Term Marriage Success Than You Realize
- Open Letter to Those in the 5th-10th(ish) Year of Marriage: How To Prepare For the Marriage Crux You’re Probably Likely Soon To Experience
- What’s Too Much? When Is It Abuse & When Is It “Normal”? How To Draw The Line
- How Far Is Too Far? Emotional Affairs, Physical Affairs & Losing Your Spouse’s Trust
- Should You Tell Others About Your Marriage Issues? Who’s Safe, Who’s Not, & The Difference Between Privacy & Secrets
- How To Be There For a Friend Going Though a Rough Time in Their Marriage
- What To Do When You Realize That You and Your Spouse Are Not Compatible
- When You & Your Spouse Develop Different Political/Religious Beliefs
- Why Marriage/Relationship Skills Matter To Society As a Whole
- How Not to Let Friends’ Divorces Negatively Affect Your Own Marriage
- Best TV Shows & Movies That Explore/Expose the Truth About Marriage
I’m also seriously looking into putting together a forum site where people can anonymously share their marriage survival stories. Kind of like my Marriage IRL posts, but waaaay better. And maybe also set up an online marriage support community that will allow women (I’ll eventually expand to husbands too, but we’ll probably stick to women first) a safe place to seek support and guidance for the reeeallly hard stuff they might not feel comfortable asking about elsewhere. Oh, and while I’m dreaming big, I hope to bring in a few trained marriage counselors to contribute to the community as well.
Part of me is worried about posting this all online and that other relationship bloggers are going to steal all my ideas, ha ha, and create these posts and community themselves. But you know what? If you’re out there reading this, and you’ve got the guts to tackle some of these topics, I mean really tackle them in depth and not just provide simple pat answers, then by all means, go for it. I’ll support your work. Overall, my main mission is to help the culture of marriage as a whole.
The sucky part though is that before I can go all these great and wonderful things that I want to do – I have to first find a way to make money and make this pursuit financially sustainable. So I HAVE to still write “selling” posts and posts that can earn me money. I have to. There’s no other way. So I apologize, dear readers, if many of my recent posts have all been about things, rather than the deep marriage topics I instead want to write about and you want to hear about. I’m trying. Have patience with me. Or better yet, if you live close, come watch my kids for me for a few hours a week, lol, so I can actually get some work done. Kiddingnotkidding. 🙂
Would love to see the posts about “marriage Crux in years 5-10” and “when is too much”. Great stuff! It’s so freaking hard to put stuff out there, like you said, but i think your idea sound great!
thanks. 🙂 I’ll put those two higher on my mental list.
I like the community idea, perhaps a private Facebook group? It would be great to connect with other women in a safe space who are interested in improving their marriages.
Btw, nothing wrong with having some posts about things, it can help give people good ideas. I enjoyed the ones about the Goody boxes. Good luck with your future endeavors!
“Open Letter To Those in the 3rd-5th(ish) Year of Marriage: Why Right Now Matters More To Your Long Term Marriage Success Than You Realize” please! My DH and I are celebrating 5 years in a couple months!
PS I love your writing! I’ve no idea how I even found you but I’m so glad I did!